Today is my day off and my Substack “post” day. I sat down very early with a hot cup of coffee to quietly contemplate what I’d like to share. My backyard is serene, perfect for deep thoughts and yet, as soon as I looked out across the pond and the beautiful mist rolling toward me on the water, I was immediately assaulted with clutter. Mind-clutter.
Today is the day I’ve decided to gift myself a good scrubbing and clean out the clutter in my mind! It’s so filled of late; piles of disappointment, unfulfilled dreams, half completed projects and judgments. All these heavy emotions are going.
External Validation - Until today, when I courageously took an honest look inward, I didn’t realize all the ways I look to be validated. Co-workers, spouse, friends, relatives. All the effort to avoid upsetting someone else without any regard for my own feelings, what a waste of headspace.
Judgement - Another area taking up too much space is judgement; towards myself and others. I have an unintentional tendency of keeping tabs on generosity and tying my worth up into what is reciprocated. Or, how someone’s mood affects me. The nerve of another to be in a bad mood around me when I try so hard to fake pleasantries! I’m finally learning it’s pointless to take anything personal and are gracefully moving into the mindset of “let them.” No matter who it is or what they are doing, I will just let them be and remain focused on working on the best version of myself. It’s challenging, but freeing.
Expectation - No one applies more pressure to be someone or achieve something more than me! Was it the nuns in grammar school who trained me? Is it not enough to enjoy my life in a small, ordinary, and less validated way? Would I be more fulfilled if I had more and achieved more? If I’m going to continue cleaning and being honest, no I don’t believe I would be happier with more. I’m most content and satisfied after I’ve worked my body out, spent time in nature, completed an art project or finished an amazing novel. All cost efficient and individually satisfying activities.
Final clutter area: “To do” - When did I become locked into staying busy (again)? I thought Covid cured me of the “I’m so busy, I’m so busy” mantra. Lists can be very helpful or debilitating. I think finding the middle ground of checking off a few things to feel productive (if that suits you) and leaving a revolving list is healthier, at least for me it is.
I invite you, my reader, to peek into your mind and cleanout anything weighing you down and distracting you from seeing all the good in your life that’s happening now. It may not be a one-time scrub. I know for myself the areas I tend to hoard; therefore, I’ll stay on top of things and make more of an effort to tidy and not let heavy thoughts and emotions pile up.
Be well,
🌺 Tracey
Great post! I call those cluttering thoughts the wind-up toys, Tracey. Your photo is gorgeous!